Power of Respest
The Power of Family

The Power of Friendship

Make time to be with your friends

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Happiness is spending time with your friends

~unknown

 

    Friends are always there to play. Is was dark and cold but, I was still out there playing basketball with my friends. As the video game was getting annoying and my friend was waiting for me. I knew it was time to stop playing by myself and go outside. The daylight was slowly fading but, we were still out there playing in the dark. It was me, my friend Will, and my friend Andreas. It was a dark Sunday night. We were outside in the cold playing basketball in my driveway. We could barely see the hoop. We were playing king of the court. king of the court is one on one basketball and whoever wins is the king. We were playing and I kept shooting and I got blocked a bunch of times. I got blocked because my friend Andreas in 6 foot 5. In my last one v one I got the ball I dribbled up and hesitated and ran by my friend for the basket. I was so happy because I finally scored on my friend. It didn’t matter that It was dark. It didn’t matter that it was cold. It also didn’t matter that I was the worst player playing. It was still fun to be playing basketball with my friends. No matter the weather or the light outside. It will always be fun playing with my friends 

 

Comments

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Nick Brady

I liked how you took a different take on the theme from the other paragraphs that I have read. Instead of trying to reach deep and find an often confusing or hard to relate too theme, you choose a remarkably simple one that was truthful and clear, and ended up being much more effective in getting your point across.

Max

Your theme shined throughout your paragraph. Using playing instead of a deeper one Was a great refresher from the other pieces. Great theme and also great vocabulary.

Colin Soukup

I like how you weren’t the best of the group but you still found a way to fit in.

Oliver Ali

Nice work, Rory. Great use of parallel structure in the final few sentences. I know it is used in many writing pieces, but I believe that the repetitiveness really does help you get your point across. I liked how you stuck to your theme, while also hinting at other themes. One example was when you said that you still had fun, despite being the worst player on the court. This hints at the theme or concept of “you dont need to be the best to have fun.”

Will

The repetition at the end of the piece was very captivating. I enjoyed that the theme was more broad and then narrowed down.

Sean Leahy

This is really cool because it is very different than mostly everyone else’s. Cool story as well. Good job!

Dylan

Sean, its funny because we shared the same theme and I really enjoyed reading yours. I liked how you consistently came back to your theme and you really did a good job of getting your theme across, and the story. Good Job

Dylan

Whoops posted sean, meant Rory

Jamie Book

Great job Rory! The repetition you used really did help get your point across towards the end. You also incorporated your theme throughout the piece, and I loved it. Keep it up!

Max Troiano

The pure simplicity of your theme made your story both easier to relate to and to read. Keep up the great work!

Max Merhige

Good parallel structure towards the end. I really liked your theme.

William O'Malley

I liked how you gave the 4 sentences to really describe and hammer home the theme. It did a very good job concluding the writing.

Eli Zahavi

Great narrative voice. I loved when you hammered home the theme. Good job

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