Final writing

Dear Fitz

 

   My year as a writer in your class was definitely a first for me. I never tried in any writing homework you gave us. I always said that I would try if I was interested in the topic but I wouldn’t try. You always said that I was a good writer and I just needed to try harder but I never understood what that meant. I took that as oh I’m good enough to get A’s and not even try. My goal as a writer was to get it done with cutting as many corners as possible without getting a bad grade. I would add extra words just to reach the word minimum. I would go off subject just to get it done faster. I would just get it done as fast as I possibly could. I would never proofread any of my work and I’m guessing you knew that. I also never understood the comma rules so I still can’t use them properly. The way I write is I just talk. I talk in my head and try and keep up with typing the words. I didn’t care if it was right or not I just wrote. And I’m doing most of what I’ve said in this writing. I’m just trying to get it done and over with. It’s 1:30 am and I’m not thinking of what I should write, I’m thinking of what I am writing. My favorite types of writing assignments are when you said just write. Unfortunately that only happened once. I like those because I let my ADHD take over and just type. There was a assignment that I wrote 1,000+ words in 20 minutes. If you asked me what I was writing about I wouldn’t know. All my work for you Fitz was done either in class or at 1am. I leave the assignments for late because 1. I don’t want to do them one bit and 2. That’s when my brain can just go. I have a whole doc on just what my brain goes at 1am. It’s full of just stuff waiting for a free write assignment. I have no idea what I’ve typed so far this metacognitions. And no I’m not going to re read this or read for a first time. Fitz could you maybe stop using the word metacognition , I mean could you have used a word that’s harder to spell.

 


Chores

Why should we have to do chores. Chores can be a great reset on your mental status that day, we’ll depending on what you do. It could be just folding clothes in your room with quite and peace. 

 

Depending on what I got to do that moment I like to think about different things. My chores consist of making dinner some nights, washing clothes, and chopping fire wood and homework.  My favorite is chopping fire wood. It’s just the sound of the wood cracking and exploding is so satisfying. I also like it because my grandpa was the one who taught me how to chop wood. He could chop whole logs no matter the size of the know in it all in one hit. Chopping wood can release all the anger out of you. 

 

No matter how bad of a day I  just had, I know all I have to do is grab the splitter (not an axe, axes go against the grain in wood while splitters go with the grain) and swing. It’s the best chore ever. What other chore is there that requires you to destroy something. Sure I have to stack it at the end but no chore is 100% fun. 

 

Chores are good for you. It helps release the negatives in life. It slowly gives you more responsibility to help you later in life. Most people see how negative I am in school. I'm not happy in school. But I hold that frustration and lash out on the 40 pound log fresh from the tree. 

 

everyone should have chores, just different chores for who they are. 

 


Power of I

I live a good life. I live a life with 2 loving parents.  I live a life with a nice house and good friends. I live a pretty lucky life. I am a kid who got really lucky at birth. I got lucky with a loving family and not living paycheck to paycheck. 

 

I live a life of lies. I live a life of “I’m fine.” I live a life of “I’m not hurt.” I live a life of “ill just walk it off.” I live a life of ER visits. I live a life of angry doctors asking why I didn’t listen to them and hurt myself worse. I am a kid who won’t stop. I am a kid who doesn’t care about pain. I am a kid that hates writing these because my brain says to write these things but I feel like I’m bragging about oh I’m so tuff. I hate that. But I act before I think. 

 

I am a kid who does what’s best in the moment. I am the kid who can bend his left thumb past 150 degrees. All because I didn’t want to leave the game. I am a kid who broke a shoulder in the first quarter and finished the game without complaining all because I didn’t want to look weak. I live a life of walking through the hand shake line with broken fingers and wrists. I live a life of lowering the shoulder on a kid bigger than me when I have a broken shoulder. I live a life of showing no pain. I live a life of slap shots and body checks with a completely torn bicep tendon.  I am going to read this in the future and hate that I wrote this. I am a very selfless kid who doesn’t like talking about himself. But always writes about himself and hates it. 

 

I am a kid who lives by the words, pain is temporary. Well it is pain is temporary and winning is forever but that’s not true. I never remember all the times I’ve won a  game or tournament. 

 


School

It’s worse every day. I can’t see myself ever liking school when it’s not spring time. School is just a long nightmare. I’ve never liked school. The only thing about school that’s fun are the little things. Hanging out with friends, playing sports with you friends, that type of stuff. All my teachers see me as negative because that’s who I am in class.  I’m miserable in school. It’s an hour of sitting, getting in trouble, being confused, and doing work that I don’t know how to do. Don’t even get me started on homework. Every year it’s more and more homework. Every year it’s more and more time taken away from kids. Almost every kid does some sort of sport/activity. From personal experiences 6-7 days of the week from the middle of fall to the end of spring I’m not getting home until 10.

 

Now just because I’m home doesn’t mean I’m starting my homework at 10. I have to shower, make dinner and eat dinner. At best I’m starting my homework at 11:15. At 11: 15 I couldn’t care less about my grade on whatever I’m doing for homework. I’m in bet at 12:30 almost every night. I get 5 hours of sleep tops every night. And teachers still get mad at me for sleeping in the gym lobby when I arrive. I’d say I have the longest days at fenn. I’m usually one of the first people at fenn.  I beat all the teacher there. I beat every student to school. I’m on a varsity team for 2/3 of the year. I’m on the fenn property from 7 am to 5pm. After school I go to either lacrosse, hockey, physical therapy or a mix. All my practices are pretty far from my house. How many sports teams where you on when you were 14 years old. I’m on 5 different teams. Keep that in mind the next time you say “ you guys have plenty of time to get the homework done.” And then complain about how tiered people are in the morning when they get no sleep. Don’t go thinking that I hate school and if I had the chance wouldn’t go. I have a shattered tailbone and broken pelvis at the same time. I was advised not to go to school. I still went to school. I still sat in those hard plastic and wood chairs. I didn’t complain once about how much pain I was in while walking down the halls and stairs just to get to a class that I don’t want to be in and sit in a chair that hurts that hell. I wasn’t allowed to use the elevator until the second week I was injured. I tried to use it but got yelled at by teacher and forced to walk up those stairs.

 

Science is the worst class and I don’t care if he knows or not. He know I hate him. I get in verbal fights with him and I try and get under his skin every class I do it to get back at him. I broke my shoulder in a Fenn football game and had to where a sling for a month. He knew I was in a sling he knew I was injured. I couldn’t write with the sling on because it was my dominant arm that was hurt. He still had me write paragraph after paragraph. He watched kids poke my shoulder and flick my shoulder and I was visibly in pain. What did he do nothing.

 

When I broke my tailbone and pelvis I broke down in tears when I tried to sit down and a kid pulled my cushion out from under me and I sat down on his hard plastic chair. What did he do? He did nothing. He didn’t even ask if I was good or not. He asked me to get up and sit in my chair. From then on I tried to make his life a living hell in class. It was to the point of where kids would ask what I would say that day. I was know in that class as the kid that wants to make this teacher's life hell. I got under his skin so easily. And yeah I’m an asshole. But he deserved it. I would look for ways to get him just the smallest bit mad and when he finally budged I would go off on him. You ever want to say something but only say it in your head. I would just say it. The hardest part was keeping a straight face. I would have the kids next to me dying laughing. I wasn’t doing it for attention or just to be funny. I did it because I was pissed off at him and needed to get back at him.

 

The only time of the school year I enjoy is spring. Spring is lacrosse season. I can finally just do what I love to do. I can finally just ignore the school work for the moment and just play lacrosse. This quarantine sucks. It couldn’t have been at a worse time. I was practicing with the CC varsity team for the 2 first weeks of the season and then it all got canceled. I was supposed to practice with varsity all year. I’m Coach’s D’s next goalie. I’m on the path of being CC’s first ever 4 year starting goalie. Never in the history of CC has there been a 4 year starter and I’m on path to be the first. And now I can’t practice I can’t play I’m trapped in my house. I’ve lost the joy of spring. I’m getting hyped just typing the possibility of being the first ever CC 4 year starter. The starter now is a senior and I’m far better than the other goalies. And that’s not just me being cocky. That’s from the players and coaches. And what Coach D says he means. He doesn't care about how you feel. Worst thing that happens is I’m the backup at CC. Even then I’m happy. I’m on varsity as a freshman. 

 


quarantine

Quarantine

 

 

Quarantine is really just in house prison. The defenition of quarantine is "A quarantine is a restriction on the movement of people and goods which is intended to prevent the spread of disease or pests. It is often used in connection to disease and illness, preventing the movement of those who may have been exposed to a communicable disease, but do not have a confirmed medical diagnosis. It is distinct from medical isolation, in which those confirmed to be infected with a communicable disease are isolated from the healthy population." It's prison, you can't go outside, you can't see other people. 

Everyone is supposed to work out or do some sort of activities during the day but what can you really do. You can't go to the gym, you're not supposed to go outside on a run or outside at all. You can't go for a bike ride. My family is pretty fortunate that we have the equipment that we have. My parents are able to workout now when they didn't have the time to back when school was in. My brother and I are able to stay in shape and get better at what we do and stay at our peek performance for our high level sports. 

School sucks even more now than it did. Yeah you could say oh, it's shorter days, oh, you get to wake up later. But it wasn't the time of waking up or the time spent at school that was making it bad. What was making it bad was the amount of work. What was making it bad was if a friend didn't show up to school that day. Online school is the worst of both worlds. Teachers think you have tons of time on our hands and pile on more and more work. At the end of the day I usually have a minimum of an hour one a half of homework. We don't even see our friends at all really. It's like saying that you really want to go to Disney world and then someone giving you a video of someone walking through the park. It's not really seeing people at all. 

The only good thing I can think of that is caused by this quarantine is starting new hobbys. I have more energy at the end of the day without the edge to just sit and have down time. I found new enjoyment in stringing lacrosse heads. I have already made money off of stringing lacrosse heads. I find almost my Zen place while stringing lacrosse heads. It's calming and relaxing. 

In the end all I want it to be free of this prison called quarantine.  


Slice of life

Lacrosse 

 

 The calm before the storm. That’s what I call winter. Spring to me in intense. It’s seven days a week two to three hours a day of working out or lacrosse and all for the hope and dream of starting at a D1 top 10 college. I say college because pro lacrosse is a job. Unlike other pro sports that make millions a year lacrosse makes 7,500-10,000 a year on average. Not being greedy but that’s not enough. Everything I do in lacrosse is for that one small chance I might have later in life. 

 

Right now lacrosse is my life and I can’t lose it. Their is only one starting spot for goalies on every team and I’m taking it. Unlike other positions where there are three starters for goalie it’s only one. And my dream is a long shot, but it’s achievable. I’m lucky to have who I have and know who I know. My dad and two uncles where all starting D1 lacrosse players. I learned my drive and effort FOR LACROSSE ( not my writing) from them. They told me all their mistakes and what not to do and  engraved what I have to do. I know many D1 college coaches from family friends and youth coaches introducing me to them. 

 

I’ve always wanted this dream, from when I first picked up a lacrosse stick to when I would cry in the car not wanting to go to practices in 4th grade to now. I’ve always wanted it but not as much as I do now. Ever since 6th grade I’ve changed. In 6th grade I fell in love with working hard and that felling it gives you and to top off the year I made varsity lacrosse is 6th grade. To play against these giants at the time like Will Potter, Max Toumy, Petter Baisos was terrifying but awesome. I knew I could hang with freshman lacrosse players in 6th grade. I knew I had something special, and I couldn’t let it go to waist. Now 7th grade rolls around and I’m the starting goalie for Fenn and it’s a huge boost of confidence. I went into summer feeling great about lacrosse. I went to a two week lacrosse camp at Towson university and being able to live in a dorm for two weeks was sick but also being able to play with insane 7th, 8th, and 9th graders was crazy to me. After that school starts and the camp I went to is already trying to invite me back to other camps they have. To see how bad they wanted me at their camps was the biggest confidence boost ever. It made want more from myself and only expect more. It made me drive harder and want better. 

 

Lacrosse made me who I am today. 

 


Pain

Pain is one of life’s many steps to becoming a great person. 

 

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The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.

~ rocky balboa 

Some can fear it while others embrace it. Pain is one of those things in life where everyone reacts to it differently. Some people will hide from it and never face it while others search for it and grow off of it. 

 

      In life you HAVE to deal with pain. Whether it be emotional or physical you have to deal with it a one point or another. It could be a bad injury or the loss of a loved one. Because you have to deal with pain in life those who hide from the smaller pains will never be able to handle the real amounts of pain. 

 

     Throughout life I like everyone have dealt with pain. I personally don’t handle it in the best way but I don’t hide from it. Weather it be my mom going through cancer treatments all my life, or seeing a parent battling an addiction or even dealing with broken bones in the first quarter and finishing the game. I definitely haven’t dealt with the worst out of everyone but I have dealt with some. I haven’t dealt with it well but not the worst. I like to hide my pain. I don’t hide from it but I hide it from others. People need to stop hiding from it. 

 

      Instead of showing my pain and talking to someone I hide it. And I hide it really well. Like I was saying earlier with the broken bones in the first quarter after I finished the game I couldn’t get my hand out of my lacrosse glove it was so swollen. I went to the hospital after getting my glove cut off and I had broken 3 fingers and 4 bones in my hand. I broke 2 bones that game. The other two came from practices and games a week or so back. I hated my team but I knew they wouldn’t step in net so I had to finish the season. I was playing with broken bones for 9 days and nobody knew. 

 

      Because nobody knew I now can’t bend my fingers on my felt hand as much I use to. Because I hid my physical pain away from others for a team I hated, I lost mobility I’m my hand. That’s a super small amount of pain and a small punishment. I was just scared of them thinking I was weak. 

     Without a doubt if I had to go back I would change a thing, but that’s who I am, I don’t want people thinking down on me so I force through it. People need to force through the pain and grow from it. If they don’t force their way through they won’t be prepared for what will come


Fortnite

Fortnite Beyond The Game

100 men enter, only 4 men leave.  

Fortnite' really is just the perfect storm of a game. ~ Ninja

 

During this video you will witness me and the squad getting an extreme dub in Fortnite battle royal. We will be in a team of three while everyone else is in teams of four making it harder and more crazy.

The squad is made up of Andrew, A.K.A DelayedSnail, Finn, A.K.A Finnmh, and me, Censedmoth. We will enter the dangerous lifestyle called Fortnite of 100 men and we will be the only ones to exit victorious. As we fight through the pain and suffering just to be able to call ourselves victorious. 

Life is like Fortnite. You don't always win. You have to be the first one out sometimes. You have to be second place. You have to lose important people. you have to force yourself on. You will have to ask for help. You cant ever be selfish. In the end you will become what you set out to be. 

Fortnite can teach you many lessons. Lessons you can bring into your outside life. 

 


Sleep


Sleep

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The only place to get away. The only place to feel free but also trapped. The only place to feel crowded but also so very alone. The only place to be cold on the inside but be in a deep sweat on the outside. 

          Picture this, your sprinting through the halls of an old abandon school. Lights are mainly out and the ones on are flickering. The walls are a blueish grey from the shadows. Lockers are dented and most of them are open. Doors are slightly cracked open. The tile floor is shattered from whatever came before you and what’s now after you. While sprinting you take a glance behind you. It’s satan himself, sprinting straight at you. Every turn you take you hear him slam into the lockers behind you. You start you hear the loud banging footsteps behind you get louder and louder and louder until he grabs you. You see your feet lift off the ground and you close your eyes go brace for what comes next. You open to see a whole new place. A place of joy and happiness. Your back at your old school. Back where you made your first friends. You turn around to see yourself playing touch football with your buddies on the small patch of what you could call grass. Brown grass and the hardest dirt ever. Your having the time of your life. 

            The only place you can truly feel everything at once is a dream. A dream is a getaway but also a place you never want to be. A dream is heaven one night and hell the next. Dreams are the most unpredictable thing ever but that’s what I love about them. You never know what your brain will make up that night. It could be good, it could also be very bad, who knows and who cares. It’s the best place on earth. 

           Drama are the best thing possible. Dreams are a fantasy you have or a fear you have. It could be the devil or your crush. It could be a young you or a huge monster like creature. Dreams can change in an instant but last forever.     

         Some say happy dreams are the best. I agree, I prefer not to wake up and have to search my room at 12:00am for demonic creatures that won’t be there. If your having a down week a good dream might cheer you up. A good dream can change a day, a week, a month, or a lifetime. 

          At the same time, who didn’t like a good horror movie. That’s what a bad dream is. It is your brain making its own horror movie based off your fears. A good scare can be funny in the morning, you talk about it with friends and family. It wakes you up is a sweat, it’s your work out for the day. Not everything is sunshine and rainbows, a good scare can last a lifetime. 

 

          Don’t be afraid of dreams. Dreams are forever but also gone in a flash. Cherish the good ones and hold on to the bad ones.