The Thoughts in Someone’s Mind
Disclaimer: this is not a true story and this is not my actual feelings. This is a fictional story of the emotions and pain of an imaginary person that I made up. This is not supposed to be a comparison to my life or anyone else’s. There are dark points in this story.
No matter how much you think you know someone, they always have secrets or something there hiding. It can be as innocent as a secret fear, or something much darker. People can have two faces, be a nice, funny, happy guy on the outside, but there can be something much different going on inside of them.
Emotions and thoughts are what’s covering them up. You can pretend to be one thing, yet really be another. We don’t know how people are really feeling on the inside, and what’s going on during the other part of there life. There’s a calm wind on the outside, but a storm underneath. Growing up is tough for some kids and there is a common trait between kids, being normal. Being normal is a must have for every kid, whether its the fear of being made fun of, or the worry that you will not be accepted. To be normal in a kids mind, is to follow the popular trends going on in school or on the media. And if you don’t, you stand out like a tulip in a field of dandelions. And if you don’t have thick enough skin (and most kids don’t) you will get a tirade of insults and frowns from kids making you feel like your some alien from another planet. And if your ever do something different your looked at weirdly. But what does this have to do with emotions, its that when you are different the worry and fear in your mind of not being accepted damages not only yourself, but your self esteem. And like I said in the beginning thats why people hide there emotions. They can be some happy, friendly guy; but the only reason there acting that way, is because no one wants to see what he truly is. No one accepts that he is a different person than others. And we don’t see everything that goes on in peoples lives, so when they get home from a bad day or a good day they truly show who they are. And they express there feelings, in there head or to others. They get to there room and stomp on the floor like and elephant in a mountain of rage. They let the beast out inside of them and act differently. The second they meet up with there friends they act like your average joe, being so called “normal” but sometimes people get sick and tired of holding there beast in, and having to shelter there emotions and feelings, afraid of coming out to others. And some people release in hopes for good results but sometimes get bad. Some people react to this way of “coming out” by saying things like, “you should’ve told me earlier” and “you shouldn’t have hid that from others.” But like I said some results can be bad, when they tell there friends or family what they truly think and believe. There is shouts of outrage from the others, “how could you think that” and “this is unacceptable.” If you get accepted, your happy and life is good. That beast that was once it side of you was let free into the wilderness to harm another human being. But if you weren’t accepted then your emotions continue to build up filling up the container, and eventually after so many years of anger and annoyance, the container spills leaving the calmness of yourself and the peacefulness in the dust, but the frustration that was built up after being unaccepted over an over again is released and you are looked at differently as now you have damaged others from the frustration you had. And now you got no where. You started as an innocent little kid with a small insecurity but now you end with a empty, depressed figure sulking around with no happiness left behind.
You couldn’t trust anyone anymore, after all they either didn’t accept you, or you were worried they would. Your meter was filling up and no longer is it from 1-100, it is in the negatives as 1 meant that you were at the worst state possible, and 100 being at your best. But now your left at -9000 feeling like a dead carcass being dragged around trying to find support in someone new. You lost your old friends and family, and now your looking for a new source of energy, someone to recharge your battery and get you back up from -9000 to 100. But should you though? Should you? Should you attempt to regain comfort from others; because after all, you have been let down so many times. This another big decision in your confusing life. A life of ups and downs, wait no I mean a life of downs. Your life was never good, admit it. Even when you were acting like an average joe hanging out with your friends, did you really have fun with them. You really wanted to be yourself. But you were restricted to by no one other than yourself. You thought that is was the other people holding you back, but it was yourself? Throughout all the suffering you’ve endured your own mind and body caused this. No, no it can’t be, throughout all this time you thought it was the other people holding you back telling you that you cant be what you want to be. But there was no one to blame but yourself, “its all your fault you said” in rage slapping yourself in the face, crying while repeating that one phrase. Your stuck in this difficult mindset, one filled with chaos, confusion and anger. Questioning yourself wondering if this really was your fault, or if its all in your head, what is really going on you ask to yourself. Should you be shaming yourself and blaming yourself for everything you’ve done or is it everyone else’s fault?
They tell me I need to get help, but no one can recover me and as I lay on my bed, tears falling down my face, as I ponder about my life as a whole, and try to find a good memory in the thousands of bad memories, like I’m trying to find a four leaf clover, but Ive had no luck and I don't think I ever will.
my improvement as a writer
I sit in this desolate room wondering what to write for this final metacognition. Metacognition were not my favorite, I find them quite boring in fact. But I’m must do well as this final assignment is like a kiss goodbye to my 8th grade English year. Over the last 3 months in quarantine Ive learned the most in English, I don’t know if its because of no distractions in the classroom, or if its because I got a bit more creative and imaginative in my stories. Which ever one it is however, it sure helped a lot as Ive improved significantly as a writer. My writing also got more fluent. Usually my assignments and writing pieces were just ramblings of me talking, edited together to look nice. It was like opening up a treasure chest and finding dog poop inside. At the start of the year I was not a good writer. I didn’t use similes or metaphors, I didn’t use any techniques, it was like I was just writing down a conversation with myself. Nothing sounded right and nothing was right. I stopped writing about stuff that didn’t interest me. Because as we all know, you want be motivated if your doing something you don’t like. So because of that, I broke a few rules, thought outside of the box. And I began to write to no limits and create stories that I liked to make. And create characters and be in a setting that is fun and interesting to me. And that’s what’s important to a writer, if you write something you like writing, it might not be good; but you will love writing it.
“And if your not having fun, your not living” -Reggie.
My thoughts while I’m walking
I remember when I could walk freely and hang out with people, I remember when I didn’t have to step six feet away from a person whenever I saw someone, I remember when I was free. But now due to these current situations, it really is hard to do things normally and like you used to be able to.
The world doesn’t feel right. Going on walks in the woods used to be the highlight of my day, but now whenever I go one them, I am anxious to get out due to the number of people in there that could of infected me. This paranoid brain I have has ruined the happiness I had in going on walks. And it doesn’t feel the same. Due to this virus a lot fo people are going outside and going on walks for exercise and
Every time a see someone in the woods or on one of my walks, they have a depressed, sulking figure with a blank expression on there face. I feel like everyone’s hope has departed and your left with a feeling like you’ve been crushed. I no longer see smiles, but frowns and worried faces; scared for the unknown future, anxious for what’s next. The happy moments with friends and family have disintegrated and all thats left is a question, “when?” When will it be over? When will life be normal again? And were left with no answer and no matter how many exaggerated lies put out there about how its getting better, were still left in this unsure mindset.
No ones enjoying this, and no one should. It’s not fun, and we truly miss our friends and family. And as much as I want to end it on a wholesome note, where I say how we should all stay in contact and say, “its gonna get better!” But is it though, is it gonna get better? This question remains unanswered and even the smartest of people, don’t know how this is going to end, but for now keep writing and enjoy Mr. Fitz’s class, peace.
The Man in the Driveway
I was in my room, laying in my bed and my heart was pounding. I felt my pulse bouncing beating like a drum. There was someone outside of my house. My blankets were pulled over my head in fear I had to get another look though, at this strange person in my driveway. “What is happening?!” I said to myself, this was scary. Who was he? What did he want. These worried questions overpowered my mind like an infectious disease. I have never been in a situation like this.
I gained enough courage and in one quick motion turned to the window, and saw him. It was dark outside so his face wasn’t visible, but I did see that he had a suit and tie on. He looked like a business man coming back from an important meeting. He was looking down though so I couldn’t see his face, this seemed somewhat relieving knowing that the man didn’t notice me. But my little hope drained away as his face turned to my window.
I screamed but covered my mouth after realized the stupidity of that. I wanted it to end, my mind was racing like I was on a rollercoaster. But there was one thought above all, “what do I do?” I didn’t have many options, I couldn’t confront the man, and my phone was downstairs and I was paralyzed in fear, but I did feel comfortable with one option, talking to my parents. This seemed safe, as parents usually know what to do in situations like this. I got up and walked towards the their door, I took a deep breath and thought of what I was going to say to them. I stepped in and blurted out in a loud voice to wake them up, “there’s a strange man in our drive-” I paused and looked at there bed and saw no one in the room. I collapsed over and a wave of panic like a tsunami came over me, “where am I!?” i screamed with horror. Then everything went black.
I woke up hyperventilating and struggling for air, I realized that I just had a terrible nightmare, ad one that was life like and felt real. I felt so relieved to know that I was safe and all was well. I looked outside expecting the worse and saw nothing. I let out a monstrous sigh of relief as I confirmed that I was now in the real world and that the strange man in my dreams was gone.
As I took a second deep breath, and released it slowly, I saw something in the corner of my room, I said “no! No! It can’t be!” And I saw him, the man with the suit. Then the temperature in the room changed like a storm was starting. I jumped up from my bed in fear as the man started getting up from the corner he was already in. He nearly teleported to my bed and right in front of my face he said, “never leave, always here.”
What I was, What I am now
“I will never speak to you again!” I said in my deep, angry voice with rage. I didn’t want to witness his despicable plans, his hurtful comments, and his damaging lies. He has caused me so much pain, I felt like a wounded soldier, begging for help. Yet no one would help; for I had nothing in this dark world besides him, but he was gone.
I laid on the grass looking up at the sky, it was about to get dark, and the sun was still giving a bit of light at the bottom of the horizon. I stared at it imagining that that light symbolized me, and I had that much hope left inside of my rotting self. And even though I’ve gone through so much, there is a little bit of light shining inside me. And now I’m ready to start my life back up again. Ready to kick ass and start over again, rebuild my self from the shitty place I’m in right now, plug myself into a charger and get to 100%. That is what I want to do.
To experience nature truly. You need to be excluded, alone, and peaceful. My fists clenched like I gripping bike handles. I was in a meadow, a one on a hill, in the middle of no where. The breeze was perfect, enough to cool me off, but not enough to disturb the harmony in the air. I just came off something stressful, annoying, and damaging. I needed alone time. I felt like a little kid in a temper tantrum. Yet I hid it inside of me like an insecurity afraid to let it loose. I couldn’t let people know what hideous monster has grown inside of me. I didn’t want to admit it, but there was something scary about telling people how I really feel and what I’m really like. Behind the one worded answers I would give, there was much more. But what does this have to do with nature. And truly I don’t know, I started it off with nature and about how peaceful and how great it is to be alone experiencing nature. But it got to me and I let the beast out and I said what had to be said, I spoke the truth and only the truth, not covering anything up. And thats what this story is about I guess. Letting your emotions out and showing what you really are. Forget the nature forget that, I changed my mind this journal entry is wired lets leave it at that.
This weeks stories were fabulous I feel like every student went above and beyond on there work. And for the many narrative stories that I read, there were a few that really stuck out to me. Whether it would be the students incredible similes or images on action these students stories are spectacular.
To start off I think that Oliver Ali did a great job on this assignment. His story was about how his neighborhood couldn’t get together due to the virus. And how they still hung out in other ways and spent time with each other. This was so wholesome and happy. I actually smiled while reading this due to the joy out brought me. He started with a opening about how much fun he’s had with his neighbors, then he completely changed the mood to gloomy and sad, because he couldn’t hang out with them anymore. But then he lightens it up and tells us about how they resolved the issue and had loads of fun. This was amazing to read and it was an awesome story.
Next I’d like to talk about Dylan Fayerman’s story. His story was quick and simple but even though it didn't have many words an paragraphs, it made up for it with his creative and exciting writing. His story was about how he went exploring in his backyard and found an abandoned building and construction he described the scene he saw, mentioning countless parts about the structure painting the image in my mind. He did research and found evidence of the building and what the building was for. But my favorite part about this story though, was how he didn't drag the beginning out for a long time. And go it straight to the point and made it a quick, fun, and easy read.
Commenting used to be super annoying for me. I used to dread having to read stories for hours at a time. And I think the reason that I hated it so much, is that we used to be not as good. I used to complain in November and December about how hard it was to read these stories. But I think the reason that commenting is better and much easier for me, is that we’ve improved with our writing; so I’ve liked reading the stories more. It’s hard to do a good job on something if your don't like it, or think its boring. But now that a lot of us have improved tremendously on our writing talents, its been much smoother for me, easier for me, and more fun for me.
I loved this assignment! It was fun, easy and quick. And when I say that it might sound bad; for I said it was quick and easy. But the only reason I’m saying that is because I picked a good book. I feel like if I picked a book that I didn't like and was uninspiring, I wouldn’t do nearly as well on the assignment, and wouldn’t have liked the assignment and would’ve gotten frustrated.
I loved describing the book, no one in my family is into Harry Potter to my dismay. And as much as Ive tried to convince them to read it, they wont. The only person I do talk about the series to, is my grandmother who loves the series to. I really like describing what I read and talking about it. I feel like an excited little kid telling his mom that he scored in basketball. I love describing it in my own way and how I see the scenes, do I side with one character or the other?
I love the book Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Its the finale and it is a masterpiece. The flow of the book is amazing. It starts exciting with a flying scene as the main character, Harry Potter escapes from the dark lord with the order (a secret society.) then death eaters go to Harry’s hideout and raid it. And the three main characters escape and go off on there own. For a very long time the trio is researching hocruxes (the thing that will eventually kill the dark lord) during this time the trio gets mad at each other and one of them runs away out of frustration out of no progress. And although there’s note much action it builds up. Then after they get captured by the bad guys and get taken to their headquarters. They escape and steal a hocrux from the bank and the finally the big battle happens. The trio destroys the final hocruxes and there is a battle a gigantic battle. The series ends with harry fighting the dark lord in front of everyone, and finally killing him once and for all. I love how the tension builds up for so long, and its released and we get the biggest and most thrilling part of the series.
I love this book and it will be so close to my heart forever. I love reviewing it talking about it and reading it!
What techniques did I use in my narrative structure?
I tried using micro works skills and I managed to use some strategies but there are two parts of my narrative story that I’m really proud of. I really liked the start and end of my story. For the conclusion I used parallel structure in a way. And by that I twisted parallel structure but I made it sound really good and I really like it. And then my beginning, for the beginning I tried to make it sound much better than my others. I didn't just state my story I made it interesting and compelling. I had sentence after sentence of what I thought was good writing and it was one of my first very exciting beginnings. I’m really happy with this story though I actually wrote more than what was required and felt like I actually covered the story and aid everything I needed to say and not just stopping the story when I reached the word requirement and didnt have to write anymore. But this story I feel like I went a bit above and beyond. I am looking forward to creating stories like these because I relived a memory of my childhood that was very nostalgic.
The Change in The People you meet
My friend became a new person
Friends come an go, you make some in your years of grade school; however when high school comes there gone. And although I’m not in high school I have lost very important friendships when changing schools. It wasn’t the same after I left, the kids from my old school looked at me as an exile, someone who didn't belong, it felt like they completely forgot who I was. Whether it was the mean looks I got, or a short, meaningless response when I said “hello” to them. I was confused I had been best friends with them for 5+ years and this is what they treat me like, like a new kid that they despised for no reason. And they treat me like this because I left there school...
There is many kids I’m referring to, but in particular there is a kid named Jake. I used to be really close to this kid but once I left he changed friend groups and looked at me like an outcast. As I still live in the same town, Lincoln, I still hang out around town and do extra curricular activities in Lincoln. And for Jake I see him around town often with a different group of kids, which I’m fine with, he’s allowed to have new or different friends. However whenever I see him he acts like its the first time meeting me and that I’m a whole new person. I’m not asking for Jake to be my best friend, I’m just confused on why he’s not giving me any recognition. It’s like he hates my guts. And its not just me who feels this way, I have another friend named Peyton who used to be friends with Jake and we were like a trio me, Peyton and Jake. And Peyton and Jake are neighbors but like me Peyton changed schools so both me and Peyton left jakes school so he acted this way to not just me but also Peyton. Me and Peyton still hang out, and he consistently tells me stories about how he’s changed and become a whole new person.
There was one story in particular that Peyton told me.... as I said before Peyton and Jake are neighbors so they were even closer friends with Jake than I was because they hung out more often. Peyton was bored one day so he went over to Jake’s house (this is after Peyton also left the towns school) and asked Jake if he wanted to hang out. Jake was hanging out with another kid that Peyton was pretty friendly with, but Jake declined in a mean spirited way, the other kid looked in an embarrassing sort of way at Peyton sort of showing that he was find with hanging out with Peyton. And thats where the story ends. I know its not some exciting story with a huge fight or thrilling part; yet, I think it shows how people change and what it can do to someone. I can’t read Jake’s mind, and I don't see him very often anymore; but one things for sure, Jake has really changed and has become a completely different person.
I tell you this story because I think it shows how people change and how people feel about you when you leave there school, team, or town. Me and Peyton leaving Jake’s school had an affect on him and he no longer wanted to be friends and started acting mean and disrespectful towards us like we did something wrong. But now as I look back on my friendship with Jake I will recall the happy and fun times with him, not the recent actions he has made.
We started with smiles, we left off with disdain, we reunited with frowns.