Final video and metacognition

My first 1,000 word essay

The Thoughts in Someone’s Mind


Disclaimer: this is not a true story and this is not my actual feelings. This is a fictional story of the emotions and pain of an imaginary person that I made up. This is not supposed to be a comparison to my life or anyone else’s. There are dark points in this story.


No matter how much you think you know someone, they always have secrets or  something there hiding. It can be as innocent as a secret fear, or something much darker. People can have two faces, be a nice, funny, happy guy on the outside, but there can be something much different going on inside of them. 


Emotions and thoughts are what’s covering them up. You can pretend to be one thing, yet really be another. We don’t know how people are really feeling on the inside, and what’s going on during the other part of there life. There’s a calm wind on the outside, but a storm underneath. Growing up is tough for some kids and there is a common trait between kids, being normal. Being normal is a must have for every kid, whether its the fear of being made fun of, or the worry that you will not be accepted. To be normal in a kids mind, is to follow the popular trends going on in school or on the media. And if you don’t, you stand out like a tulip in a field of dandelions. And if you don’t have thick enough skin (and most kids don’t) you will get a tirade of insults and frowns from kids making you feel like your some alien from another planet. And if your ever do something different your looked at weirdly. But what does this have to do with emotions, its that when you are different the worry and fear in your mind of not being accepted damages not only yourself, but your self esteem. And like I said in the beginning thats why people hide there emotions. They can be some happy, friendly guy; but the only reason there acting that way, is because no one wants to see what he truly is. No one accepts that he is a different person than others. And we don’t see everything that goes on in peoples lives, so when they get home from a bad day or a good day they truly show who they are. And they express there feelings, in there head or to others. They get to there room and stomp on the floor like and elephant in a mountain of rage. They let the beast out inside of them and act differently. The second they meet up with there friends they act like your average joe, being so called “normal” but sometimes people get sick and tired of holding there beast in, and having to shelter there emotions and feelings, afraid of coming out to others. And some people release in hopes for good results but sometimes get bad. Some people react to this way of “coming out” by saying things like, “you should’ve told me earlier” and “you shouldn’t have hid that from others.” But like I said some results can be bad, when they tell there friends or family what they truly think and believe. There is shouts of outrage from the others, “how could you think that” and “this is unacceptable.” If you get accepted, your happy and life is good. That beast that was once it side of you was let free into the wilderness to harm another human being. But if you weren’t accepted then your emotions continue to build up filling up the container, and eventually after so many years of anger and annoyance, the container spills leaving the calmness of yourself and the peacefulness in the dust, but the frustration that was built up after being unaccepted over an over again is released and you are looked at differently as now you have damaged others from the frustration you had. And now you got no where. You started as an innocent little kid with a small insecurity but now you end with a empty, depressed figure sulking around with no happiness left behind. 


You couldn’t trust anyone anymore, after all they either didn’t accept you, or you were worried they would. Your meter was filling up and no longer is it from 1-100, it is in the negatives as 1 meant that you were at the worst state possible, and 100 being at your best. But now your left at -9000 feeling like a dead carcass being dragged around trying to find support in someone new. You lost your old friends and family, and now your looking for a new source of energy, someone to recharge your battery and get you back up from -9000 to 100. But should you though? Should you? Should you attempt to regain comfort from others; because after all, you have been let down so many times. This another big decision in your confusing life. A life of ups and downs, wait no I mean a life of downs. Your life was never good, admit it. Even when you were acting like an average joe hanging out with your friends, did you really have fun with them. You really wanted to be yourself. But you were restricted to by no one other than yourself. You thought that is was the other people holding you back, but it was yourself? Throughout all the suffering you’ve endured your own mind and body caused this. No, no it can’t be, throughout all this time you thought it was the other people holding you back telling you that you cant be what you want to be. But there was no one to blame but yourself, “its all your fault you said” in rage slapping yourself in the face, crying while repeating that one phrase. Your stuck in this difficult mindset, one filled with chaos, confusion and anger. Questioning yourself wondering if this really was your fault, or if its all in your head, what is really going on you ask to yourself. Should you be shaming yourself and blaming yourself for everything you’ve done or is it everyone else’s fault?


They tell me I need to get help, but no one can recover me and as I lay on my bed, tears falling down my face, as I ponder about my life as a whole, and try to find a good memory in the thousands of bad memories, like I’m trying to find a four leaf clover, but Ive had no luck and I don't think I ever will.



Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

The comments to this entry are closed.